Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Daily Musings, Teens

Fireworks

Posted on by jenschuyler
All I can say to the fact that I spent three 16-hour days selling fireworks this weekend is…. OUCH!  Who knew a body could hurt this much!  I think I aged like 40 years or something.  Yes, another one of 2nd mans projects strikes again.  Actually, this is one of the best fundraisers to fall into our lap in all the years we’ve been here with this youth department.  I remember, early on in our ministry we ran a concession stand at various events.  Simply said, it was the bane of our existence.  2nd man and I both had worked in the food industry as teens and didn’t particularly like working in it as adults; the planning and prepping, the heat, the crowds and kids, the heat.  Oh my soul, I remember one year being pregnant and working that dumb stand in 100 degree temperatures at a motor cross and a county fair.  I wished for death to come quickly, but alas it never came.   
We actually don’t know who Jake is.  I don’t think there is a Jake, other than a neighborhood dog who kept hanging out around the building.  We felt it only appropriate to name him Jake.
            After that we sold candy bars and all that other fundraising “fun” stuff.  Then a few years ago a fireworks company contacted 2nd man and offered our group first dibs at running their business near our new church building.  The numbers they threw at us were unbelievable and 2nd man was hesitant to jump into another hot, under a tent, kind of fundraiser.  So we had our pastor’s son run it for us the first year.  Since then I’m amazed every year at the amount of money people spend on the 4th of July.  The tent thing went so well that the company built an air-conditioned warehouse just down the street from our church and now, that is what we do for 2-3 weeks every June/July. 
            Honestly, I’m soooo thankful for the air conditioning, this year especially. We’re in extreme drought out here and the temps haven’t been less than 100 degrees in several weeks.  I feel so horrible every time I drive by the poor groups that are running fireworks stands in the little wooden box huts or the tents.  I know they hate us, and probably don’t believe me, but I really do feel bad for them.  It’s no easy task to run the biggest fireworks place in town though and 2nd man just makes it first class all the way.  Scheduling teenagers and what parents would step up is a bit of a logistical nightmare.  2nd man made a plea to our parents and the rest of the church for help, but I think they read that as “if you’d like to help us we will use you.” Instead of  “Help!! Help!! Help!! And please more Help!”  Oh well, the kids did a great job and the parents who did step up were blessings beyond belief.  
This is 2nd man and some other volunteers setting up the giant dragon out front. Or was he driving him???
This was the calm before the storm
I think everyone in town came to our place at least once in the past couple of weeks.   Why, even the Pioneer Woman, Ree Drummond’s husband came in on Monday morning.  Not sure if I want to address this or not.  I, well, I, Ok as 2nd man would put it, I locked up.  I knew he looked familiar and his kids looked familiar too.  Then when one of the other ladies turned and mentioned who he was, well…I locked up.  The gawking had to be noticeable.  Then 10 minutes after he left we realized that he left (ok we forgot to put it in his box) a couple packages of giant sparklers.  I immediately went into “how can I meet her” mode.  I jumped on the Internet and sent out an email to the Pioneer Woman offering ways to get these items out to her.  I was willing to drive the 45 minutes out into the country to deliver these $2.00 items if she really wanted me to.  Well, no response came.  Alas, my dreams were dashed and instead I spent the next ten hours running a cash register. 
2nd man does make it fun though.  He puts on fun patriotic type music (ok it’s fun the first five times through the cd) he has the kids all giving one on one attention to the customers and about 10:00pm we all go out into the parking lot to watch the city fireworks show and set some off some of our own.  Our own children, who aren’t even in the youth department yet, enjoy it too.  They either help customers or I find them up in the warehouse shelving.  Simply said a good time is had by all.  So good in fact that 2nd man and I couldn’t move yesterday.  And I’m not certain there will be any moving going on today either.  Recovery is certain, but it may take some time.  Hope everyone else had a great 4th of July out there!   
                
Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Marriage

Why 2nd Man is the Greatest Man I Know

Posted on by jenschuyler
My 2nd man is the greatest man I know.  I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and I honestly feel this way. I suppose really every wife should feel this way about her husband.  Here are my thoughts on why I feel this way about mine. 
First and foremost, we (his family) come before ministry.  Some may argue or debate this point and its validity, but I feel passionately that this makes him a great man.  Not for selfish or needy reasons either, but even for his testimony’s sake.  I’ve always struggled with respect of men who are workaholics, even to ministry, but let their family falter.  This includes some really great men of God.   I realize, I may be treading on shaky ground here, however it’s been my impression that a man who goes out to save the world but loses his family, loses part of his testimony.  None of the men I’m thinking about meant for this to happen in their families, I’m confident of this, but, nonetheless, it did happen.
I guess some of my thoughts started recently when we watched a movie about John Adams. (Disclaimer: we watched it on our Clear Play machine, which edits out language and any bad scenes).  Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for how he pioneered our nation through the revolution and beyond in its earlier years, however, I’m not so impressed on how his wife had to run the family while he was away and his children floundered, even rebelled against what he would have had for them.  That got me thinking about missionary David Livingston.  Again, he did wonderful things for the cause of Christ on the continent of Africa.  However, in my womanly perspective I finished his biography with mixed feelings about him.  His wife and children were left back in England and even were homeless on the streets for a while.  Of course much of it was due to oversights and the fact that he was so far from home and couldn’t take care of the situation.  Then there is the great Billy Sunday, who did mighty things for preaching revivals across the nation, but his own sons rebelled against what he preached.
I don’t have these feelings in a prideful or arrogant way. On the contrary, it humbles me as a wife of a great man. It leaves me to wonder if the above situations were due to the fact that these husbands and fathers were not home to do the job as a husband and father.  I’m torn with the thoughts that they were called out to do a special work, but I struggle with respect of their being married fathers.  It builds my respect and admiration for my 2nd man who is being used of God, but is also fulfilling his duty at home.   Maybe that’s what God called these other men (and their wives) to do, but I’m so thankful that he provided me with a man in whom I can respect.
So, with this in mind, it makes me so thankful that my 2nd man struggles hard to put his family before his ministry, no, not before God, but yes, before ministry.  I am humbled by this and try to make it possible for him to tend to his ministry as needed.  Sometimes for a 2nd man that can be hard, depending on the staff in which he serves.  Sometimes the senior pastor is in a different stage of life and may forget what it was like to have children at home.  Or maybe the pastor is in the same stage, but has a different viewpoint of priorities.  I know my 2nd man struggles with hoping our senior pastor understands his limitations, but ultimately he has to trust God to go before him with his testimony and reputation. Thankfully, when we were hired (years and years ago) our pastor made it a point to let 2nd man know that his family should come before ministry.
Another couple of reasons that I think my 2nd man is the greatest man I know is that there are two things he always works hard on being able to do and say.  They are, “I’m sorry” and “Thank you.”  He has taught me a lot during our marriage about saying these two things and we strive to teach our children as well.   I’ll admit he’s even spoiled me in this area.  I know we aren’t to do things in order to get thanks, but he’s so good at giving it that it has become a source of motivation for me. Just recently I found myself doing some extra work for someone else and was left feeling…well…unfinished, or out of favor because they didn’t even say thank you for all of the work I did.  This made me all the more thankful for 2nd man and his example.  I’ve never gotten paid to teach his kids, or do his secretarial work, or keep his home, but the thanks keeps me motivated to want to please him. 
I don’t deserve the wonderful 2nd man that I have.  Maybe I’ll discuss that someday…maybe not.  But, I’m so thankful for him.  I’m humbled that God allowed me to marry such a man that Loves the Lord so passionately and loves his family with no less fervor.  I’m saddened when I talk to other wives or teens that don’t have the same thing in their homes.  Yes, marriage takes work, without a doubt.  However, the work is worth it and isn’t labor intensive, if kept up with.  Kind of like tending a garden, the weeds come and the sun can beat hard and there can be drought to deal with, but if you keep up with these things the reward can be a beautiful display of God’s handiwork.
My mom used to tell me that there was nothing more attractive than a godly man.  Seems she was right.  One of the greatest things about my 2nd man is that he loves the Lord and so desperately wants to please him.  Even in his seasons of struggle when he’s having dry devotions or he’s feeling a lack of zeal or questioning his usefulness, I still admire him because his turmoil is due to the fact that ultimately he desires to please God.  If that ever changes, so will my admiration.  So, by God’s grace I’ll remember to always lift my 2nd man up in prayer to be humble, able and usable.  Keeping his family as a priority and his testimony strong. 
Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife

The Stages of a Youth Pastor’s Wife Part III: Accidie

Posted on by jenschuyler
Last month I wrote about going to the pastor’s wives conference in Oklahoma City.  It was there that I learned a new word that really pegged me in some areas at some times.  The word was, “accidie”  (ak sidi).  This I feel needs to be addressed as one of the stages of any ministers’ wife.  The problem with this stage is that it can be recurring.  It is hopefully short lived when it does rear its ugly head, but if not, can become quite a heavy burden for some. 
     According to the Oxford Dictionary of Philosophy, accidie is a: State that inhibits pleasure and prompts the rejection of life; one of the Seven Deadly Sins. Aquinas associates it with turning one’s back on things, through depression or self-hatred, and nicely defines it as a torpor of spirit which prevents one from getting down to anything good (Summa Theologiae, IIa 35. 1). Often it is translated as sloth, which is actually quite different. See also apathy.

Read more: http://www.answers.com/topic/accidie-obscure-word#ixzz1PoncpiWS

            Being a Baptist, I’m not a big proponent of the seven deadly sins, mind you, but this definition seemed to fit the best.  Some of the others I read limited it to the sloth aspect.  However, it really is more than that.  I’ve found at times when I have been subject to the state of accidie it’s not because I’m being lazy, but rather that I’m being tormented into doing nothing for God.  I may want to blame other people, but it is usually because I’m not in the right mind frame spiritually speaking. It is that feeling when you show up, but you’re not really there.  You’ve become burned out on people and serving or loving them.  Oh you may still do all of your duties, but not with the power or passion of God behind it.  You feel unusable and somewhat in despair because you know that it’s wrong.
            Accidie can sneak up on different people through different ways, but here’s when it tends to strike me.  It’s usually times like right now, the beginning of summer.  As I’ve written previously, summer is not a break for those in youth ministry.  We’ve already been to senior camp, started a fireworks stand fundraiser and last night, we signed up the younger kids for junior camp.  All of this entails dealing with many many parents, all who have their own concerns for their Johnny or Suzy.  I often need to remind myself that I have three Johnny and Suzys of my own, about whom I have concerns.  But, somehow, in dealing with these parents and even the kids themselves, people don’t communicate well.  Some are argumentative, others don’t communicate at all until after the fact, and still others communicate and then recommunicate and then…well you get the picture. 
            For instance, I’m in charge of making up the schedule for the workers at the fireworks stand.  This entails puzzle working for 35 kids!  2nd man wisely had a meeting and asked everyone to turn in a paper with the dates and times they could not work.  Most people did this well and it’s working out fine.  I have one controlling momma that turned in a five-page synopsis of her kids’ schedules.  I spent hours mulling over all of these requests and fitting kids into the schedule so that everyone got approximately the same amount of hours.  Yet, controlling momma still keeps stalking me around the church with problems and wanting more hours for her kiddos.  I saw her sneak into the room last night while in the middle of signing up the junior campers, waiting to talk to me.  I had to quietly and quickly pray that the Lord help me be loving and understanding because I was afraid I was gonna blow.   When I looked up a few minutes later, she was gone.  I firmly believe that was the Lord protecting her and me. 
            I go through all of this because it’s this kind of stuff that gets me down.  I start feeling  claustrophobic  from all of the people that seem thankless and displeased with either myself or my 2nd man.  All I can tend to see are the problems and then the little lies start to get whispered into my mind like, “these people don’t appreciate you or your husband,” or “why even bother, nobody cares about anything except themselves. Why do we even have fundraisers for these kids, make them pay their own way.”  Or even, “Run!  They’re coming after you!”  I get frustrated when I have five people to track down after church, but get stopped in the hallway by four or five others, over matters of little consequence.  What’s worse is that I start to see only faults in people and get blinded to my own.  That’s a scary place to be.  It’s at these times that I’m on the verge of shutdown, a.k.a.  accidie. Oh, I’ll show up to church, but I’m not there spiritually at all.  I’ll do what I have to and punch the time clock so to speak, but I’d rather hole up at home away from everybody. 
            I was just reading in I Thessalonians 2:19-20 “For what is our hope, or joy, or crown of rejoicing?  Are not even ye in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ at his coming?  For ye are our glory and joy.”  Oh wow, could I say that about the people to whom we minister?  Honestly I probably could in about a month or two from now.  However, the goal would be to say that I felt that way always: That my passion for serving is ever refreshed by my eyes being on the Lord for whom I serve. 
            Truthfully, it hinders me as a helpmeet for 2nd man and could have the possibility of hindering his ministry.  This is why I was so enthralled to learn this word, accidie.  It’s kind of like it put a name on this nebulous stage in which I sometimes enter.  It also, made it a tangible stage in which I should be ever striving to avoid.  Lord, help me and other ministers’ wives to be strong in you and your power to love people even when they aren’t so loveable.  Goodness knows I’m not always loveable, but you died for me anyway and forgave me my sins.  Please forgive me for toying with the stage of accidie, may I mark it and avoid it when at all possible.  
Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons Disciplines of the Faith

The Stages of a Youth Pastor’s Wife Part II: The Honeymoon

Posted on by jenschuyler
Now, I’d like to start looking a little more specifically at different stages of being a youth pastor’s wife.  The first I’d like to tackle is the honeymoon stage.  No, not the marital honeymoon, but rather that first exciting year in ministry that is full of fire and energy.  Everyone has this stage whether it is a first ministry or even a move to a new ministry.  People are welcoming and you’re the newest and greatest thing to come along in most people’s minds.  Here comes the warning:  this stage does wear off!  That’s not to be said in a negative way.  Actually, it’s kind of nice when it does wear off so the focus can be off of you and, hopefully, onto the Lord and His work. 
When people think of a honeymoon stage they often think of it in mostly the positive light of a fresh new stage that is full of happiness.  However, just like in marriage, it is also full of learning and stumbling along the way in dealing with others.  We found that it was hardest on the older teenagers who had been under the ministry of another youth pastor for a long while.  They didn’t like change and some even resented it.  I laugh now, because one of our dearest graduates from the first year who is now in ministry himself, talks so kindly and fondly of us.  What he forgets is that he was one of the loudest objectors to change we had that first year.  We often heard the phrases, “But we’ve always done it this way!” or “ We never do that!”  To which we’d just grit our teeth and smile and go on. 
One example that comes to mind is in regards to camp.  Our church had, unfortunately, developed a reputation as a rebel group who pulled pranks all the time.  2nd man and I aren’t fuddy duddies, but we do like to help enforce rules of those hosting our camps and retreats.  Harmless horseplay is one thing, but our group would do nasty things that damaged people and property.  I even slept with a fully loaded squirt gun under my pillow always ready to counter attack the girls. They know now that, though I can appreciate some jokes, I don’t like to lose sleep or have my person wet or dirty due to a prank.  Upon, learning of this reputation, 2nd man made it known to the kids that we weren’t going to be pursuing that route anymore and we’d appreciate it if the kids would refrain from bringing prank items to camp.  We received a phone call one evening, after this announcement, from a mother of one of the older teens.   2nd man expected her to be thanking him; instead, she chewed him out!  “I understand you’re not allowing pranks this year.”  She started, “Yes, that’s correct.”  He replied.  “Well, how do you expect them to have any fun?  This is just ridiculous!”  And on and on she went.  When he hung up we both were astounded.  After returning from camp and exhausted from the week we were awakened at 6 am the next morning to our doorbell ringing…several times.  People wanted to know when our garage sale started.  (This was in the day when beanie babies were all the rage).  People would race to be the first at garage sales selling them.  “I’m not having a garage sale.” I replied to several angry people.   We later found out that the previously complaining mother had put an ad in the newspaper with our address for a garage sale with the beanie babies.  She figured she’d pull her own prank.  The funny thing is, when we had testimony time Sunday evening, her own son got up in front of the entire congregation and announced that he had been disappointed about the whole “no prank” thing, but that this was the first year of camp where he’d actually felt like God spoke to him about some things in his life.  I have to admit, that was a great moment of satisfaction to 2nd man and I. 
As a wife to my 2nd man, I felt very defensive during this stage.  I was excited to help him kick start this ministry, but often felt the need to defend it instead.  I had to establish with others that they couldn’t get to him through me.  Instead, if they had an issue they could make an appointment.  This was when I had to learn to support him in ways I never expected that he’d need.  Just as he was feeling out and getting comfortable with his ministry, I was learning what my part was in it for him.  I was also trying to get used to new surroundings and people.  Sometimes that can be hard on a woman.  He got to go into the office everyday and grew by leaps and bounds in his relationships with the staff.  Meanwhile I was sitting at home wondering what to do and what my place would be.  I had just graduated college and was trying to figure out if I’d teach in the public school system or the Christian school or at all.  I was also trying to weed through the many people who would show up at my door, often unannounced, just to see the newly renovated missions house that the church allowed us to live in for a year or so until we got our own place.  I even had some ladies look in my closets as they toured the house!  I kid you not, it was like a sitcom.  I must have had a dozen or more people offer to help with the youth.  I look back now and laugh at some of the ones who offered.  They said they had a heart for youth, then when I’d see them with their own kids they were like scream machines.  You know, the ones you see at Wal-Mart constantly making more noise shushing their screaming child than what the child makes.   “Uh, no thank you J we have enough help right now, but I’ll keep you in mind if 2nd man says there’s a need.” Became my rote response. 
I had been warned by another woman, who had grown up in the same church as I and had married a minister, “beware the ones that meet you at the train.”  I didn’t understand fully what she meant until a few months into the ministry here.  It seems that there are those who want to be the first to meet and greet you and pick your brains about all things youth.  It would seem, also, that these same people want to somehow have a hand in the control of what you think about the youth.  We had several of these when we first came to Oklahoma, those that wanted to steer different activities, or those who wanted to be youth workers with us, but were constantly handling things amiss.  I’m not sure how many fires had to be put out because of these people, and though we loved and still love them, we’re glad that there was a changing of the guard after a while and 2nd man was able to hand select the helpers. 
That brings me to what I said earlier and that is when the honeymoon is over and how great things start to get.  It is then, that changes can really begin to take place.  People are used to you and more accepting of the changes you want to make.  It isn’t taken as an affront to them or any previous pastor who had been in that position.  It’s when you can make the ministry your own according to how you feel led of the Lord. 
Honeymoons are nice.  When I was first married to 2nd man, I couldn’t believe that I could ever love him more.  However, I look back now and realize how I hardly knew him and had so much to learn.  The same is true in ministry.  The honeymoon is a nice stage, where you feel liked and accepted.  But as time goes on you love the ministry and those you minister to. Enjoy your honeymoon, for sure, but expect and prepare for even greater things ahead!  
Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Teens

Summer Break and a 2nd Man’s Wife

Posted on by jenschuyler
I had a great summer break this week, but alas it is over.  Yes, the “summer break” for some 2nd man wives only lasts for one or maybe two beautiful peaceful weeks and then come activities.  I actually like most of them, so this isn’t a whine.  Tomorrow we leave for senior camp.  I’ve had people through the years give me mixed reactions about this.  Most are sympathetic that I have to be with teenagers for a whole week.  However, this isn’t really all that bad.  It’s more the 14-hour overnight bus ride that really kills me. Once we’re there, I’m golden.  I mean really I look at it this way, I get a week away from normal chores, like cooking, cleaning and Wal-Mart.  I get to hear great preaching that convicts and inspires even us adults.  I get to be around a totally Christian environment without the distractions of the world and I get to be there when teenagers get moved and convicted and want to talk about it.  Also, in my case, my children get to go visit their Granny and Grandpa who are normally a 17-hour drive down 3hrs. to pick them up for the week. 
            Of course it has its downers as well.  Some people think I’m taking vacation.  Well, to that I say, “not exactly.”  For all of the perks, it is still no vacation. Did I mention the 14-hour bus ride?   I also don’t choose to spend vacation outside in 90-degree weather sweating it out to play field games.  Nor do I choose to spend vacation sleeping in a creaky bunk and sharing icky shower rooms and bathroom counters with 19 teenage girls.  I usually pull rank in the bathroom area as I can “paint my barn” a lot faster than these girls.  Nor do I spend my vacations checking hem lengths and cleavage exposure and I do wish that mom’s would do this before they send their girls to camp…grrr…sniff…argh (but I digress).  So, no, it’s not exactly vacation either. 
            After camp, we’re looking at a 3-week stint of running a fireworks stand. Which is the most time consuming of all our summer activities, but provides our teens with a lot of money in their teen accounts to be able to attend most of their activities throughout the year.  During that time we send our two daughters to Jr. camp (which, thankfully, I got out of going to this year).  Then there’s the trip to Chicago with our top 7 winners of our Wednesday night program.  After that a 3-day youth conference before school starts.
            Yes, summer is the busiest time of year for a youth pastor’s family not to mention the poor youth pastor.  However, it can be the most rewarding time as the teens are full of energy and excitement.  I’m curious as to what others experience during this time and what their perspective is. 
So here’s the challenge:  While I’m away this week (I’ll try to post, but am not sure as to the WiFi access or time constraints) I would ask that if you are a 2nd mans wife or any kind of ministers wife or even a youth worker, or even were ever a teen that went to camp, that you’d post a comment or send me an email to www.secondmanswife@yahoo.com.  I want to hear about your summer experiences.  Do they just plain wear you out?  How do you prepare?  What are your thoughts on camps?  What’s the best or worst camp experience you’ve had?  Tell me tell me tell me.  I want to hear.  Do you have any great ideas that you’ve learned in your experiences?  Dish it out sister!  So there you go the assignment has been given, please share and I’ll look forward to hearing from ya!  But for now, I’ve got to go pack.
Posted in Daily Musings, Life Lessons

Best of Times / Worst of Times

Posted on by jenschuyler

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…has that line been used yet?  I was trying really hard to get away from negativity in my blog posts, but I simply have to share some of our current woes with you. However, don’t take it as negative, no it truly is positive.  As a matter of fact, things are starting to get down right comical.  When it all gets too much we tend to laugh around this house…yes, we’re weird that way. 

            It all sort of continued when I came home the other day with smoke billowing out of our “good” car.  I’ve written about the other car, but really?  The good car now?  2nd man opened the hood, I’m not sure why, neither of us is mechanical.  But, somehow that’s what your instincts tell you to do when there’s smoke billowing.  He wanted to make sure it wasn’t something obvious.  I had called him on my way home because a dinging sound kept going off and a light that said, “Check gages.”  Now, you may be saying, “Duh!  Check your gages,” however; we’ve been prone to ignore our gages because of a non-recalled quirk in our vehicle.  The speedometer sometimes gets stuck and the gas gage can never be trusted.  So, I called home asking what the dinging was, but I was just around the corner anyway, so I kept going.  When he opened the hood he realized that the coolant was bone dry.  Then, yesterday a knocking sound started and 2nd man had to take the ol girl into the shop.   As it turns out it was a water pump.  This is good because a few hundred dollars sounded much better to him than a few thousand.
            This of course was the same day my middle daughter had an orthodontist appointment and we were told she’d be ready in a month.  The Orthodontist seemed to pick up on my nervous laugh and twitching eye and neck.  “We cooouuuuld possibly wait if there’s a financial problem.” he graciously proposed.  I kind of filled him in on the highlights of our spring so far: 2nd man’s medical tests, my crown/root canal, the dishwasher, the start of orthodontics for daughter #1, the broken boat motor that needed replacing, the broken finger on daughter #2, the shed door that broke off and of course the smoking truck.  He was convinced and said we could put it off a few months and didn’t even charge for that visit.  Whew!
            Last night our pastor offered to lend us his car while ours was in the shop.  He is going to be out of town anyway for a few days and wouldn’t need his own car.  As 2nd man and I drove my car over to pick it up we were laughing that I had to hold up the rearview mirror that came detached and was swinging by a wire.  When we got to Pastor’s house, he began to show us how we could start his car remotely so we wouldn’t have to get into a hot car when we went out and about.  To this we started chiding him for rubbing it in.  We all stood in his driveway laughing at the contrast of his car to my car that won’t die!  She’s falling apart all around, but her engine hums like a choir.   Funny the things that keep ya humble.  2nd man and I keep quoting Dolly Levi from “Hello Dolly” when she says, “money is like manure; it’s of no use unless it’s spread around.” 
My Lily of the Nile, unrelated to this post, but it makes me smile
            You may think all of this has us upset and forlorn, but the contrary is actually true.  Both 2nd man and I realize that it puts us in a position where we have to trust God.  Can that really be a bad place?  Oh, it’s uncomfortable when you look at the bank account and the well is dry.  But my God has worked many wonders greater than this and I know he’s not going to let us starve. (Although, a little starving probably wouldn’t hurt me right now J).  I fully trust God to help us through this tight spot and am actually looking forward to seeing how he works.  This should be quite interesting.  Of course I’m not going forth in my own confidence and I have been in much prayer seeking guidance and wisdom for the 2nd man and me, contemplating if I need to start cleaning houses or something.   I’ve also sought his face in asking if we have done anything wrong and to please let us know so we can get it right.  I really believe it’s the worst of times in a financial realm, but it’s the best of times in that we’re in a perfect position to see and witness God working.  Who can ask for anything better?

Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Marriage

What exactly is a 2nd Man’s Wife?

Posted on by jenschuyler
   So, I went to a Pastor’s Wives Retreat last week.  Yes, I left the very same day, actually the very same hour after all of our houseguests left, leaving 2nd man with the children and the mess.  This was a great strategy as it gave me a couple of days to breath and unwind while 2nd man cleaned up.  I really must remember this in the future, hee hee chuckle chuckle.  It wasn’t my intention to leave him like this,  but I really like these retreats and always glean greatly from them, so 2nd man didn’t mind my getting away.  The only complaint I had was that all of these other pastor/associate pastor/youth pastor wives kept checking their text messages for two days.  Always looking at their phones awaiting those important messages that affirm that they are important people.  I, on the other hand, got…well…nothing.  2nd man assured me that was because all of their husbands had to keep asking things like, “where are the diapers?”  or “how do you do dishes?” or “what’s there to eat?”  While he, was taking charge and caring for house, home and family for me as a competent husband.  Well, I guess I’ll let him off the hook on that one.  He did do a pretty good job and I did come home to a cleaner house than what I left along with dinner made and dishes done.  Yes, I’m spoiled nah nah nah nah nah.
            Anyway, back to my thoughts here.  I’ve mentioned this before, oh somewhere in this blog, that this is where I first learned that I’m not really a pastor’s wife.  Funny, I would have gone on blissfully naïve had I never attended one of these retreats.  However, I actually vehemently disagree with this viewpoint and go to the retreats anyway.  You may think it odd that I’d even want to go, but despite the narrow views of some people attending these conferences, I still always, without fail, get a huge blessing from the ladies chosen to speak.  I was pleased to see that my stubbornness and my pastor’s wife’s insistence had paid off.  This year there were many other associate and youth pastor’s wives in attendance.  Maybe we started something like a small revolution in honor of our husbands or something…well…maybe we’re not quite that important. J   However, in talking with one of the ladies I’d never met before, I naturally (or so I thought) asked her what “they” did at their church.  To which she responded rather taken aback “this is the only place where I’m identified with what my husband does.”   “Wow,” I thought, “Isn’t that our role and even a privilege?”  I guess I sound very backward and unfeminist-like, but I find perfect peace in being my 2nd man’s wife.  I’m perfectly comfortable being his help meet.  But, then I wonder, “am I a weirdo?”  well, probably yes, but also it’s a battle for most women.  If I were a doctors wife I’d have a different set of circumstances and sacrifices.  However, I’d still have those things in my life because of who my husband is and what he does.  If you’re married, there’s really no getting around it.   You are one with another person.  Though you have your own thoughts and feelings and even career sometimes, you are still laying aside your individualism when you marry…but I digress.
            This stigma, however, does get me thinking about exactly what my role is in the church.  I mean, my husband isn’t the senior pastor and I’m, well, kind of stuck in a no womans land.  Oh, I strongly believe that those in ministry are as responsible as those not full time in ministry to carry out the calling of God in their life wherever he puts them.  It’s a Christian duty and discipline that is universal to all God’s children.  However, there is a little more to it than that when your husband is in full time ministry.  There are still circumstances and people that you deal with that the average lay worker does not deal with day to day.  Here I am even wondering what is the role of any pastor’s wife?  So here are some beginning thoughts on the subject that I’ve started delving into.  This is not the end all on the subject, but this is a blog and I’m sharing my thoughts, not teaching on authority here.  
First, I was thinking about what exactly 2nd mans role entailed:
2nd Man’s Role:
I Timothy 3:1-7  This is a true saying, if a man desire the office of a bishop, he desireth a good work.  2 A bishop then must be blameless the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behavior, given to hospitality, apt to teach; 3 Not given to wine, no striker, not greedy of filthy lucre; but patient, not a brawler, not covetous; 4 One that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; 5 (For if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the church of God?) 6 Not a novice, lest being lifted up with pride he fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover he must have a good report of them which are without; lest he fall into reproach and the snare of the devil.
Though he is not senior pastor, his title includes the name pastor and his education and ordination qualify him.  Therefore, he is still required to hold to these standards.  Rather than a lesser man, he is more appropriately considered a type of specialist.  That’s what 2nd men do, they specialize in youth or music, maybe counseling, outreach etc. 
Titus 1:6-9  If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. 7 For a bishop must be blameless, as the steward of God;  not self-willed, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre; 8 but a lover of hospitality, a lover of good men, sober, just, holy, temperate; 9 Holding fast the faithful word as he hath been taught, that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gainsayers.
Several of the above qualifications are directly related to the family:
·        ruling well his own house
·        husband of one wife
·        having faithful children
·        given to hospitality
All four of the qualifications are indirectly related to me as a wife.  He could not accomplish them as well without me.  That’s not a prideful statement; just a statement of realization of what God has called me to do.  Though 2nd man is ultimately responsible for overseeing this, and of course fully engaged in execution of it, I am also a part of this and helper in these areas.  He could be hospitable without me, but it sure is easier if I can have the home ready, the kids under control and a meal available.  He is responsible and engaged in the rearing of our children and the running of our household, but I’m usually the day -to-day manager of the training of our children.  It’s kind of like I get to be the 2nd woman to the 2nd man.
My role as a wife (any ole wife)
Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor of the Lord.
Proverbs 19: 14 House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the Lord
I want to be a gift from God to my 2nd man
Titus 2:4-5 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To b e discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
We often look at this scripture in light of the job of an older woman.  But take a look at what she is supposed to be teaching.  Those are the qualities we are to obtain. Notice these verses aren’t just for a “pastor’s wife,” but for wives in general.  We just tend to get held to the standard more.  I’m going to look further into this area in another post.  As we all know there are scores of verses and books written about how to be a good wife.  The point is that, as a 2nd man’s wife, I, first and foremost need to be a diligent Christian and secondly a godly wife.  From there the priorities start to vary based upon if there are children or an outside job or if I help to assist my husband in his ministry.  More thoughts to come, but until then ladies, realize that your role is important.
Posted in Daily Musings, Life Lessons

Refuge from the Storms

Posted on by jenschuyler
“Where could I go?  Oh where could I go?  Seeking a refuge from the storm.  Needing a friend to help me in the end, where could I go but to the Lord?”  That’s the song I’ve been singing lately.  I really like the words and the catchy tune too.  Don’t ask me to sing the tune though…you’ll regret it I promise.
            That’s what this spring has been like for many others and us too I suppose.  I know my last few posts have been whiney in nature and that’s not my intention for this blog.  However, I think the Lord is just really really trying to teach me something lately.  Since February, I’ve had a specific financial prayer asking the Lord to pay off something this spring that would be such a great blessing.  However, he hasn’t chosen to do that, at least not yet.  That’s ok, He’s still good and I’m not shaken by it.  I knew going in that his answer could be no.  Yet, instead of answering the way I desired, it seems like the opposite has happened and we’ve had so many outgoing expenses that our heads are spinning.  Just as we are all hearing of strange unexpected tornados hitting down every week around the country, we (personally) are having financial tornado hit down every week.  It’s a good time to seek refuge In the Lord.
            As a matter of fact, one of the reasons I haven’t blogged lately was because of one of these little tornados of ours.  Just last week, in the midst of finishing school, planning a housewarming for someone, getting ready to sign people up for camp and preparing a house for guests, I developed an abscessed tooth.  It was under a recent crown I had to have.  Now, people who know me well know I’d rather have another child than have dental work done.  The crown itself was a feat of bravery in my life on which I was standing tall and waving a flag.  Not long after getting it there seemed to be some pain.  So after working up my blood pressure and driving to the dentist while shaking all the way the dentist simply grinded it down to fit better and it didn’t hurt at all.  I just about passed out in the lobby from coming off of my own adrenaline though.  But, when this abscess started, I had to have 2nd man step in and take over.  I spent two days in utter pain.  By Tuesday evening I was in tears from the excruciating spikes of pain running through the side of my face and head.  He drove me up Thursday morning and they said the dreaded words…Root canal!  I’m ashamed to admit I broke down and cried right there in front of the whole dental staff.  Then when it was finally over I broke down again at the price!  2nd man was not pleased.  Oh, he wasn’t mad at me, but he wanted desperately to find some way for this to be the dentist’s fault so we could get a discount.  Sadly, this didn’t happen. 
            Thankfully, I was able to push through the recovery to get my house in order for our family from Pennsylvania to come visit.  We’ve had such a fantastic time.  The last time they were here, Jessica and I were both pregnant with our now four-year-old daughter and son.  It was June and 103degrees outside.  Needless to say we were both quite miserable.  So, I’ve been praying for good weather this time.  The Lord has been so gracious in this area.  Where we live, you can see storm fronts that are 20, maybe even 50 miles away.  Each evening we’ve been seeing these massive storms that never hit us.  Monday we had a great time outdoors picnicking and fishing and the rain didn’t come until right when we got home. 
            Some of this I am hesitant to be humorous about because one of these storms was the same front that hit Joplin, MO and leveled the town.  We take our Jr. campers to that same area for camp each year and I am just devastated for these people.  The very Wal-Mart and other stores that we’re familiar with are just demolished.  The hospital where I’ve been treated myself a few times…decimated.  It makes me shiver in the awe of what massive destruction weather can bring. And my prayers are with those affected by it.
            However, yesterday, we decided to take our families to Tulsa to The Incredible Pizza Company.  2nd man and Jessica have another cousin that lives down there and they are about our age with a young family as well.  We grazed our way through the pizza buffet and games all day and then decided to go across the street to the mall.  While there we realized, via the age of the smart phone, that there was a significant storm traveling across Oklahoma.  Realizing we shouldn’t drive into it we decided to wait it out at the mall with, apparently the rest of Tulsa.  I mean really, I was shocked at the amount of people at the mall until a lady explained to me that Tulsa doesn’t have storm shelters except the mall, so people go there when there is a storm.  Eventually they herded us all into the shelter/hallway/stairwell.  During our little family reunion in the stairwell, Brett (Jessica’s husband) decided that he wanted to see an Oklahoma storm, so he went to the doorways with about 50 other people.  Let’s just say he gained his second wind (no pun intended) after that.  With sirens blaring and wind blowing he finally was able to be coaxed back inside to calm his worried family, but he had to take some time to calm down himself.  When we finally got home at 11:00 that night he thanked 2nd man for a great day from beginning to end.  We were pleased to be able to give him a true Okie day. 
            Blessing number 2 for that day was the road condition.  We desperately need new tires on our truck.  When we went to get them replaced, the store didn’t have the ones we wanted or could afford in stock.  So traveling out of town came with some trepidation.  However, because the wind was so strong that night the roads were completely dry all the way home, even though it rained torrentially just moments beforehand.  God is soooo good and gracious in his provisions.  We may be spinning from the rotating door of our bank account, but God has provided so much more than we can count: safety, rest, the blessing of family, the blessing of family that we enjoy J healthy children in my arms, food on my table… I could literally go on and on.  I truly feel safe under His wings right now and no rush to run out. 
Posted in Associate/Youth Pastor's Wife, Life Lessons

Boy, Am I Glad it’s Monday

Posted on by jenschuyler
     Boy, am I glad it’s Monday!  I don’t say that very often, but this was one weekend I was glad to get past.  Of all the weekends to have a feeling anti-social seclusion come over me this was NOT the right one.  I’ve been furiously trying to get the kids’ school finished, clean house for company coming soon and finish up some projects that have long gone neglected.  Friday evening came and I was already exhausted before our youth activity even started.  It didn’t help that not many people could come because of outside circumstances.  2nd man was not exactly feeling the love for this activity either so there was kind of a feeling of “just wanna stay home.” in the air.  We ended up having a good time, but not exactly one for the record books. 
     Saturday came and I was excited to scoot the kids out to Nana’s cottage (my mother-in-law lives in a small cottage behind our house). And get 2nd man out the door so I could really buckle down and do some serious cleaning.  Weeelllll, that one didn’t go as planned either.  At about 11:00 2nd man finally left for visitation and I only had about an hour before I had to get ready for graduation parties.  Now, don’t get me wrong.  I usually love these come and go parties.  I definitely love the graduates we were visiting.  I just, really, was in need of some uninterrupted housework that you can only seem to get done on a Saturday ya know?   So we went to the first party and of course I enjoyed it, 
                 Then it was back home for pie baking 101. Yes, I had forgotten that I’d promised my girls that they could bake pies for our annual pie auction for the teen dept.  That, of course, meant I had to teach them how to bake pies.  Pie is good. I like pie. Pie is messy to make.  Pies take many steps.  Pies really mess up a kitchen whose dishwasher is broken.  Bad pies. (but very yummy!)
            The already strained weekend went south when I stepped outside to get something out of the car.  Our Curly Kitty was sprawled out on the driveway sunning himself.  I was talking to him as I walked to the car, when all of a sudden a huge gust of wind blew over a church table we had leaning against our steps until we could load it into our truck.  The table smashed right on top of Curly.  He wriggled out and ran off.  I was relived to see him move so fast, but couldn’t find him anywhere.  2nd man took a look around as well, but to no avail.  We had to stop for a while and go to the next graduation party. 
            After the 2nd party we pulled up and thankfully Curly came back up to us and came in the house.  I couldn’t see any visible signs of trouble and was relieved when he ate some food and purred in my arms.  After a while he wanted back outside, so I figured that everything was all right.
            Sunday morning, he didn’t come knocking on my kitchen window.  I leaned outside to call from the kitchen door…no Curly.  After a little while I looked out the front door and there was our sweet kitty laying in the front yard.  I called for 2nd man and he went out to confirm my fears.  It looked like a dog got him and he had been too hurt or sore to run away.  We were both sick.  I cried a bit and we both realized that we just couldn’t tell the kids during the hurried Sunday morning rush, we’d have to wait until after church.  Oh that was awful.  2nd man was so sickened and sad and a little bothered that he was so bothered. 
            After church we told the kids.  Our oldest daughter was immediately upset.  She’s not a real touchy, feely kinda girl, but had connected pretty closely with the cat.  Our middle daughter took it very maturely and our 4 year old boy… well…he didn’t quite get it yet.  He’s still pretty sure the cat will come alive again like in cartoons.  No, he’s not warped at all (wink wink). 
            So, amongst the hub and bub of any Sunday, we were dealing with the grief at the loss of a beloved pet and trying to get ready for a very big fundraiser that evening.  The girls had to finish their pies.
            To say I was feeling anti-social that evening was putting it lightly.  Mix into that a pie auction.  I’m not convinced that this is an appropriate fundraiser for a church.  Oh it brings in the money, no doubt.  It’s fun, and so interesting to see all the different kinds of pies people bake. Our mayor, who owns an auctioneering business, always does the honors pro bono for us and makes it a lot of fun.  However, it brings out a side in the women of the church that is plain ol ugly.  There’s so much pride, arrogance, opinion and estrogen in the room that I’m not convinced that the men aren’t bidding just to save their marriages.   2nd man was excited that it went so well at the end.  I was exhausted and not sure I wanted to be around women again, for a while.
            We picked up hamburgers at the drive-thru at 9:30 on a Sunday night for supper.  Yes, great moments in mom history feeding junk food to your poor starving kids when it’s already past their bedtime.  Actually, that was plan B, I was going to just feed everyone a piece of pie. 
            So, now it’s a quiet Monday morning.  I’m missing my coffee and devotions partner (Curly), but the kids are sleeping in and I need to be planning out this week, but am getting distracted with my blog.    It’s the last week of school and our houseguests are coming Saturday, but since this weekend is behind me, none of that seems to stress me out.  Boy, am I glad it’s Monday.
Posted in Life Lessons Disciplines of the Faith

Disciplines of the Faith : Memorization

Posted on by jenschuyler
            I find memorization to be one of the most challenging disciplines of the faith.  Well, for that fact so is prayer, oh and fasting and…. Ok ok so maybe it’s the discipline part I have a problem with when considering disciplines of faith.  Anyway, just recently, our Kings Character program, which is our children’s Wednesday night program, put out a challenge to the church.  They challenged us to memorize I Peter 2: 13-25.  Now, that’s a lot of verses.  I fiddled around with working on it for a while.  Then one of our daughters said it in her class and I was so impressed.  I started to get convicted at how hard my kids work at memorizing so I tacked the paper with the printed verses right next to the bathroom mirror.  I heard somewhere that this will help force me to face it everyday and work on it.  Well, it was a convenient place but somehow it didn’t just automatically download.  So, finally, about two weeks before it was due, I started really working on it.  I could be found quoting to the mirror at all hours of the day.  I’d quote to the sink as I did dishes and to the flowers as I watered.  Once a police officer even slowed down a little while on his rounds, when he saw me talking out loud to the garden.  I just smiled and waved.  I think he was hoping to see a bluetooth attached to my ear or something.
            When the due date finally came I worked and worked.  I could say it perfectly to my children.  Then, in the car on the way to church I tried quoting it to 2nd man.  Well, I was just about like Barney up there in the video.  What in the world!!  I had it!  Where’d it go?!  We were setting up for a picnic with the teenagers so 2nd man assured me that if I couldn’t find a Kings Character worker to say it to before church I could do it afterwards.  Well, that wasn’t going to work for me.  I knew I’d be stressed all evening if I had to wait.  I was hoping to find our pastors 25-year-old son, Jonno.  He’s great, friendly and very very laid back.  I knew he’d go easy on me.  However, no such luck finding him, so I finally found a lady that would listen.  Praise the Lord I had total recall!  Whew!  It was a very exhilarating feeling to have said it and I could look my kids in the eye and let them know I worked too. 
            Truly, the passage had a lot of meat to it and I’m so glad I put the work in.  It really is a satisfying way to meditate on God’s word and I really need to exercise myself this way much more.  So here’s my newest bandwagon and challenge, working on memorizing more.  Certainly I’m spoiled by my easy access to Gods word in written form, but what good does that do me if the brain and heart aren’t taking it in as much as they should and could.  No more Barney Fife for me.